Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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