her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The air taste purple.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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