Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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