New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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