everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
