I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
