Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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