I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
