the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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