I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
