Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
