my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
wow bdsm is so cute
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