i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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