I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
