I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
