what day is it and did you see me today?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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