I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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