i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
