Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
