i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
