half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
