You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
someone threw a dead crab at me
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
