VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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