I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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