So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
