I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
As shirtless as possible
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
