As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
