shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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