Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
