All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize