I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
