9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
