A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You're my little dorito
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
