Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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