the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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