I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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