no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
