Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
