Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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