So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Couch. On fire.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
