so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
