I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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