God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
