watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
