why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
