while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
