Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
