i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
