i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
