so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is that why you're texting me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible