I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
