you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?