32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...