i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?