It's Friday. Sex?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
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Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?