I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
