I smell stomach acid.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
