I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
