your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
