I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
