maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Randomize
