Plan B is the new Plan A
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
