remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize