I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
