and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
