farters have to be the big spoon...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
