Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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