You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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