so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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