I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
