god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
