Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
