The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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