Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
